A Soul Tree Journey

with amanda joy

Recent Posts

  • becoming me

    I’ve always known that creative people – like writers and artists – had something inside them driving them to create. I’ve known this because I could see it in them, but I’ve never really understood it. I’ve never been able to feel it myself until recently, when it became a part of who I am.

    Around a year ago, in September 2021, I began writing. I had ideas and feelings that I wanted to share. I felt compelled to write. I also found that, quite suddenly, there was no longer self-judgement. There was no self-critique. I simply had the confidence to write and I did. For the first time in my life.

    Now, you should know that this journey with writing was new. There was a change in me, a profound transformation really, which allowed a freedom of self-expression that I’d never had before. How and why is hard to explain. But this is what happened … to me.

    While travelling in March 2020, I became stranded between home and destination. I was safe and sound, as they say, but I couldn’t move. It was a time of uncertainty  – for all of us – and after 12 months of waiting it out, and trying to remain well, I was still where I was. And the strain was beginning to show.

    Around June 2021, the ambulance sirens out in the world, beyond my walls, became more frequent. They triggered emotions from a past illness. I was stressed and anxious. I was unable to sleep. I’d been in lockdown and away from home for 15 months, with no idea when I would be able to return.

    Then in July, something quite unexpected happened. On a random playlist, I heard a song. The song was ‘Breath’. The singer’s voice was pure and emotive, connecting directly with something inside me. It was very powerful. If music can heal, then so can a voice. And this particular voice was, and is, unlike anything I’ve ever heard.

    Slowly, through movement and music, emotions were released. Grief and loss. Past trauma and sadness. And there was also an opening of heart. When a heart opens, it can heal. It can also be open to receive.

    So, one year ago, a special singer with a beautiful voice allowed this change to happen. Allowing a new version of myself to grow as I walked the path to ‘becoming me’.

    Finally free to express myself – and my heart – through words. Thank you, Park Hyo-Shin.

  • seeking the silence

    For most of my life I’ve listened to music as a backdrop to life. Many people do. I wrote briefly on IG about this in earlier post on SoulTree Stories. It was about listening to music, especially Park Hyo Shin all day, every day. His voice has a special quality that is mesmerising. No, that’s not the right word … it’s hard to explain. There’s just something that keeps me listening to him. A lot.

    But since writing the post, I haven’t been listening to music at all. I haven’t wanted to be with music or with any sound. I’ve been happily silent and in silence.

    When I’m at home, I feel the comfort and peace of being quiet. And because I’m alone, I can do this. I can easily and simply be this.

    And because I also know that everything is for a reason, I’m staying with the stillness and the silence. I’ll stay with it for as long as I need to. Without wondering why. Not everything needs an explanation.

    By the way, the silence doesn’t mean I’m not talking to anyone. In fact, I’ve actually been having so many meaningful conversations. On-line with voiceless chatting and Skype calls or facetime. But in-between, there is no sound or noise or distraction. There is space to breathe … and be.

    ‘Silence is something that comes from your heart, not from outside. Silence doesn’t mean not talking and not doing things; it means that you are not disturbed inside. If you’re truly silent, then no matter what situation you find yourself in you can enjoy the silence.”

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    I read a book called ‘Silence in the Age of Noise’ a while ago, written by the Norwegian explorer, Erling Kagge. In his words, this is how he descibes an experience of silence most of us, if not all of us, will never know.

    … “Antarctica is the quietest place I’ve ever been. I walked alone to the South Pole, and in that whole vast monotone landscape there was no human noise apart from the sounds I made. Alone on the ice, far into that great white nothingness, I could both hear and feel the silence”.

    In reading this book, I took away a few things. One is that our present culture and society bombards us with sound and noise. As Kagge says, it’s as if we are afraid of the silence in case we have to really see ourselves. But he also observes that, in seeking and finding silence, we can find ourselves.

    He is talking about not only an outer silence in our surroundings, but in finding our own inner silence. Of peace and truth for ourselves. And our inner silence, once we find it, is a personal resource – no matter how much noise there is in the world.

  • giving and receiving

    I’ve been thinking about gifts lately. And about showing love. Now, this is a clear Soultree connection. Because I chose Park Hyo Shin’s song, ‘Show Your Love’ to reflect what I wanted this year of 2022 to be about. Instead of the usual Word Of The Year, I chose a song title from his Second Story album. So, a Song Of The Year? Anyway. Back to the theme of gifting. It’s always a beautiful and generous thing to show our love through giving someone something special.

    But does the giving and receiving of gifts need to be about a particular day or a season of the year? If there is appreciation to show, show it now. If there is love to give then give it when you feel it. Why wait until a birthday? Why not give your gift to a friend or a loved one … whenever?

    This is a gift I received which was designed and created just for me. A gift of the heart. Thank you, J. xx

    Even just this week, there have been so many gifts that appeared in my life. Some tangible, some not. One example is the ‘taxi incident’ in Lyon, when the taxi booked for 4 am didn’t turn up. (Yes, it was a much-too-early flight). Repeated phone calls in truly inadequate French finally resulted in a local Uber, when the lovely Mike arrived in an even more lovely black Tesla. I mean. It was a WOW moment.

    The drive to the airport, the car, the whole experience … even the music playlist was memorable. But it was the driver who turned a mini-drama of possibly missing the flight into a gift. He was thoughtful and kind. He even helped me out the car (which no-one ever does). And when complimented on the car and the ride when we said our goodbyes, made a heart with his hands. Really. Thank you, Mike, for the gift of you.

    Other gifts? There have been so many. Too many to mention. They appear suddenly and unexpectedly. Openly or more quietly. But they are always there. Because I’ve been paying attention and noticing. And I’ve been open to receiving as well as giving.

    For me, the act of giving and the blessing of receiving is in the intention. So a gift isn’t only a present or a thing. There is the intention of a gift in saying kind words. In thinking of someone lovingly. Of sharing what we have with someone else.

    So, yes. My pile of ‘gifts’ right now is very high. It contains thoughts, words and acts of love. From friends and family, and strangers, too. The gratitude attached to them fills every space inside me. Expanding upward and outward like a bubble of happiness.

  • my writing journey

    I tell myself that this writing journey is new for me. Certainly, sharing it publicly is. Sharing it with anyone really. When I began writing and posting on Instagram in November 2021, it was a spontaneous form of self-expression. But there was also an absolute need or compulsion to share my feelings and thoughts through words.

    I think, I write, I share. This became my process. There was no (or very little!) editing. There was no self-judgement. There was no hesitation and not much filtering either. In fact, the process was, and is, so quick that it sometimes feels that I haven’t written the piece at all. If someone made a comment on Instagram, I would have to look again and remind myself of what it was that I’d written.

    But really, if I’m very honest with myself, writing isn’t new at all. I confess that it has always been there in the background. There is evidence here and there. Notes of words, online and off. When I recently sorted out papers and books in my study, I found pieces of writing, jottings and notes from years, even decades ago. There are photographs of park benches from many countries on phones and cameras still. Spots where I had stopped to sit, reflect, makes notes. When I mention these ‘new writings’ to my children, they will say, “But, Mum, you’ve always been a good writer”. I guess I hadn’t told myself. They knew it. Others could see it. Only I didn’t know.

    So, my journey with writing, my experiment with words, is now a part of me. It’s a part of who I am. I don’t know exactly where it will lead. And right now, this isn’t important. What is important is that I’ve begun.

  • then & now

    The journey that began for me around a year ago was from a place of uncertainty and challenge. The changes that followed were from a place of need and desperation. They came at last, or began at least, when my heart opened.

    When a heart is open it can release what it needs to. And it is able to receive. Space is made when we let go of pain, grief and loss. There is then room for gratitude, for compassion and for love.

    Healing is not an easy journey. It is something we alone go through. No-one else can do it for us. But we don’t have to … No, we can’t … do it on our own.

    The gifts of this past year were fought for and earned. With support and in trust. The gratitudes of the present, I see now, are built on sacrifices of the past. This is what life is, I think. Well, a part of it anyway.

    As I look out now on where I am, I also look inside to see who I have become. And everything is all right.

    Storm approaching. KL 2021

  • time lost. and found

    The most interesting thing about this piece, for me, is that when I set out to write it, I had something completely different in mind. A different image. A different piece of writing. Then this happened. Sometimes, you just have to go with whatever comes …

    When I wrote on Instagram yesterday, one of the things I talked about was making up for lost time. My comments elicited a response or query from a Soultree who wanted to know, “when you figure out how to make up for time lost in a lifetime, let me know”.

    I’m not sure if this is an answer or if the question can be answered, but the following thoughts are what came to me. This is what is true for me now ❦

    Release all that doesn’t serve, support or nourish you. This might be emotions like fear, regret, judgement. It can be belongings, your possessions. Some people might need to be ‘released’ from your life.

    Embrace all that does serve, support and nourish you. Choose the emotions of joy, gratitude and love. And truly embrace the people in your life. The ones that you love. The ones that love you.

    And once you have decided what to let go of, to release, and what you need, deserve and want to embrace. Do it. Find out what is in your heart and follow it. Now ❦

    The following words as a poem showed up for me, as well. Where they come from is a mystery. What they mean is not.

    Time lost
    Waiting
    Wondering

    For Love
    About Life

    Time found
    Seeking
    Sharing

    A Purpose
    A Passion

    Time flows
    Gently
    Gracefully

    With Presence
    In Spirit

    Time flies
    Imperceptibly
    Inevitably

    Toward us
    From us

    The time
    To learn
    To love
    To live

    Is now

    ajh 21.7.22

  • on my way

    My SoulTree Journey began a year ago. A year ago I was still stuck in an apartment on the 31st floor, not knowing how much longer it would be before I could continue on my way. It would be another 3 months. 20 months in all. But back then, it was like time had no meaning. Days flowed from one to the next and they came increasingly difficult to fill. Like Groundhog Day. Really.

    Sometimes, it would feel that days went on forever. But then, the weeks and months would fly by. The sense of what ‘time’ meant changed when I wasn’t able to move with it, or doing anything much in it.

    Now, my perspective of time seems more fluid. Like elastic, it can be stretched to encompass more. When I couldn’t move, it was contracted. Limited. So, the past 12 months seems so much longer than a year. Because I’ve done so much and so much has happened. The almost two years stuck between countries feels so much shorter than it was. Because there was little to do. Less that I could do.

    Much more has happened in the past year than I could have imagined. I’ve been taking things on and also letting things go. I’ve been changing what I want and where I want to be. I’ve been changing.

    Since last July, in one year, I finished my original travel journey, just 18 months later than I was supposed to. I returned home to Australia in January 2022 after leaving in March 2020. And I left again. Twice. Am I making up for time lost when I couldn’t move? Maybe.

    But, I also want to make up for the time lost in a lifetime. There are still things I want to do. Places I want to go. Things I want to be. And there is still time.

    ‘All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us’.

    JRR Tolkein – The Fellowship of the Ring

  • dandelions and trees

    Last night, I had an impulse to change my image to a dandelion. When I woke up this morning, just moments ago, there was this poem … ‘Of Dandelions and Trees’.

    As I wake up on a new day
    I’m in a new place and time

    As I look back to what was
    I look ahead to what will be

    As a time of discovery nears
    I reach out while reaching in

    As life calls me to move
    I find presence in being still

    As a dandelion is of a return to life
    I drift freely from now to forever

    As a tree is of growth and wisdom
    I am grounded, planted, secure.

    ajh